This was titled "Get back to work slacker!"

which is what i really really need to do...except i need to start my work...i fell asleep on the couch for a couple hours which is not good when you have a big take home exam you should be working on :-(

really really cute!

"You're Hired!"

Well, I wont get to say to anyone: "You're Fired!" but I will get to help hire someone which is pretty cool lol.*

I got asked to be the student representative for the hiring committee, which is going to hire a replacement for Dr. Randall, the inorganic professor at our school.

Which I think is a pretty freaking cool thing to be asked!

And what is even better...I get free dinners out of it lol


*btw, I cant stand that stupid show!

uughh...

I am so freaking tired...for no reason...I got a ton of sleep and yet I cant even function right now. lol it makes me wish i had mono because then at least I would have a reason for why I am so tired all of the time lol.

Ten Years From Now...

"Tell me what do you see
When you look back at your wasted life
And you dont see me"
-everclear-

maybe I will get a chance to ask you this at the ten year reunion

yay!

We finally turned the heat on! Yay! I'm not freezing anymore :-)

You have been weighed, you have been measured, and you have been found wanting...

This is a really long post and I appologize, but this is a post about the subject that will dictate the entire rest of my life, so it is understadable why it is so long. You dont have to read the whole thing but I would appreciate it if you guys would just because at this point in time it means the absolute world to me. There is this huge gigantic cloud hanging over my head and if I dont get it off my chest I may very well be crushed to death by it. I appologize for the horrible spelling. I dont have the patience to sit through spell checker. I typed this really fast so most of the errors are from typing not jsut be being a dumbass lol. I ramble and rant, but oh well.

So one of my projects for this semester for our ACS group is to put together a binder filled with information about Chemistry Graduate Schools. I am doing this along with the other chem students not just to get myself motivated and organized enough to actually begin the horrific process, but also to help my friends and future chem students. It is such a daunting task to find a graduate school and I needed some kind of help getting started and narrowing the search, and I am sure other people are in the same boat.

So I started looking at the websites for some of the schools I may be interested in. I started looking over the actual applications in order to see what information they wanted, what information I had, and what information I will need to get.

As part of this process I decided to actually sit down and calculate out:

Overall GPA
GPA for Math and Science
GPA for Chemistry
GPA for Freshman Year
Sophmore Year
Junior Year
First Semester Senior Year (To be determined but I guessed)
GPA for Chemistry Freshman Year
Sophmore Year
Junior Year
First Semester Senior Year

All of the above calculated using:
A=4
B=3
C=2
D=1

As well as:
A=4
A-=3.7
B+=3.3
B=3.0
B-=2.7

etc...

I did all this because they want some or all of this depending on the school.


And now I want to jump off a freaking bridge

I dont think I have ever been so FREAKED OUT about anything in my entire life. If I dont get into grad school I am FUCKED. I feel completly inadequit just LOOKING at the application forms, not to mention filling them out, not to mention what I am going to feel like when I apply to ten different schools and get rejected for all or most of them. At this point I dont even give a crap where I end up as long as I end up SOMEWHERE.

At this point I have accepted the fact that I am a marginally above average chemistry gradschool applicant. I am right above someone with better grades but who doesnt speak any english. I have accepeted the fact that I am going to get a big stack of rejection letters from lots of places including the places I really want to go to. I have accepted it but I know it is absolutly going to CRUSH me when I am holding them in my hand.

I only applied to one school when I went to undergrad and there was no way in hell I wasnt going to get in there. So I have never experienced the rejection letter thing. Remember how bad it was for undergaduate school? Can you imagine how much worse it is going to be for Ph.D Graduate School? If I dont get into gradschool I can basicly kiss all my hopes for my academic and carrer future goodbye. It all hinges on getting into gradschool.

This is something I dont think most people in undergraduate school have to deal with. For most majors, you dont really have to go to gradschool and if you do its for a masters program and they are a lot easier to get into than a PhD program just because they have more spots open for more students. For Chemistry though, if you dont go to graduate school and get your PhD you are going to be stuck on the bottom rung FOR THE REST OF YOUR FUCKING LIFE. There is no way to work your way up the ladder like you can in most businesses and fields. If you dont have your PhD you hit the ceiling as soon as you get your undergrad diploma. That's it.

That is a SHIT TON of pressure.
And I am not even TOUCHING on the fact that my dad went to gradschool at Berkeley for chemistry and then law school and is now one of the most succesful people in the biopharmaceutical business in the world today. TRY LIVING UP TO THAT.

In two words: I CAN'T.

At this point I am trying to do something that I am actually interested in (which is industry applications of polymeric chemistry) even though it isnt as *hard* as what he did. I will NEVER make as much money as my dad does, I will NEVER be as businessly succesful or important as my dad is. Fuck. My dad is making one million dollers a month saving MILLIONS upon MILLIONS of people from dieing of AIDS, the Flu, and Hepititis and is retireing this year at 47 years old. Believe me, I am not saying this to brag...I am saying it to give you guys an accurate depiction of WHAT THE FUCK I AM UP AGAINST as far as being considered successful in my life. Yeah most people feel like they are trying to fill their parents shoes...but the shoes I have to fill are fucking ridiculous.

Yes I understand that my dad just wants me to be happy.
Yes I understand that the only thing my dad has ever required of me, is that I do my damndest to become the best at whatever I choose to do with my life. If I ended up working at McDonalds, well I better own the best fucking McDonalds in the whole world lol.

But it is really hard to keep that in mind when filling out these damn applications and punching the calculator just to have it spit out a number which is smaller than you hoped for.

FUCKING SHIT.

thats about the only thing going through my head at this point. lol

sorry for all this.
sorry for the swearing and the ranting and stuff.

Hopefully now that this is all off my chest I will be able to chill out a little about it.

Well now I get to go do homework...awesome...

I am sitting around in my house FREEZING MY ASS OFF!

...and I love it!

I missed sitting around all bundled up watching it rain outside...

now the only real question i have to ask is:

hot chocolate or tea...

decisions, decisions, decisions...

What a weirdo!

Ok, so my cat , Harley, has started doing something really really funny.

So she has a couple favorite mice toys that she plays with a lot. Well recently she has started walking up to one of her mice, picking it up and then taking it into the kitchen where her water bowl is. Then she puts the mouse IN the water bowl, drinks for a while, then takes him out of the water bowl, walks back into the living room and continues to play with it. LOL i can just imagine her talking to the mouse saying "hey, i'm thirsty...you must be thirsty also! Lets go get some water and then we can keep playing" lol...she is really weird sometimes.

For the love of God people, don't be a FUCKING DUMBASS!

Well stupid, idiotic, fucked up, disappointing, infuriating, disgusting story made really short:

A friend of mine drank and drove* last night.

This friend wasn't completely drunk, but they were intoxicated enough that there was no way IN HELL they should have been driving.

And all this person had to do was call me up and I would have GLADLY driven out to pick them up.

I honestly don't think I have ever been so furious and disappointed and disgusted in a friend of mine...ever...

There is some shit that is NOT ok, and this is pretty close to the top of the list.

DEAR GOD, JUST GIVE ME A FREAKING CALL AND I WILL PICK ANY OF MY FRIENDS UP FROM WHERE EVER THE HELL YOU ARE, I DON'T CARE!

JUST DON'T BE A FUCKING DUMBASS!

*does anyone else besides me think that the phrase "drink and drive" sounds REALLY weird in the past tense? :-) lol

Memorizing...

1. Hydrogen; Lithium; Sodium; Potassium; Rubidium; Cesium; Francium
2. Beryllium; Magnesium; Calcium; Strontium; Barium; Radium
3. Scandium; Yttrium; Lanthanum; Actinum
4. Titanium; Zirconium; Hafnium; Rutherfordium
5. Vanadium; Niobium; Tantalum; Dubnium

OMFG WHAT A COLLOSAL WASTE OF TIME!

I have to memorize the ENTIRE periodic table, including atomic number, element symbol, element name (spelled correctly) and the sections of the periodic table

Holy Crap

Well I got the first five columns done tonight...only like a million more to go...

Long random post about random things!

So I have a TON of homework to do...which sucks...
Which is why I am going to write here instead of doing it! yay!

Anyway,
So I am so happy that it is finally getting colder. I can actually wake up in the morning and enjoy a hot shower. I can actually wear the majority of my clothes again, instead of wearing the same three tank tops over and over lol. I can wear my fuzzy socks that I love. I can use my blanket at night! I never really realized how difficult it is for me to live in hot weather. Luckily if I end up having to go to Texas for gradschool, everything is airconditioned so I wont die all the time of heat stroke lol.
***********
So my mom came up for the weekend which was cool. She got me signed up for classes at Yoga in the Pearl which will be awesome. It is a pretty cool system they have going. You pay for either 5, or 10, or 20 classes, and they are good for 6 months. Its kind of like a punch card system except you dont actually have a punch card. They have all different types of yoga and you can go to any of the classes. I like that system much better than having to sign up for a specific class that is on every tuesday for 6 weeks, or every saturday for 8 weeks or something. I feel like I will be much more inclined to go if I dont HAVE to go, if that makes any sense.

We also went up to Lush which was awesome. My mom got me:
1. one chunk of Demon in the Dark soap
2. one tub of Fair Trade Foot Lotion
3. one Avobath bath bomb
4. one Marathon Bar bubble bar
5. one The Comforter bubble bar
6. one Creamy Candy bath melt

OMG it was like CHRISTMAS! :-) My mom also bought a bunch of stuff for her which was cool because she has lots of allergies and is used to having to use really boring bath products. So she was really excited to get some things that smelled really good and strong with out making her sneeze. Yay for not having tons of perfumes in their products!
***********
So Erich's friend from work, Josh, is going to be moving in with us at the beginning of October. It will be kind of weird to have someone else living here. I mean, Josh is a nice guy and stuff, but it was nice having it just be the two of us. Oh well...I also have a sinking feeling that the two of them will end up playing computer games together every night lol. Oh well...I guess I will get a bunch of homework done then. :-/ lol
***********
Well I have other more interesting things to write about, but that will require more time then I should probably be wasting at the moment. I have to go do a bunch of Adv. Inorganic reading, a bunch of Structural Biochem reading, and a bunch of German Literature reading...ugh...

sooo funny and cute

My "Work" Horoscope for Friday

CURRENTLY LISTENING TO:
Harley purring underneath my blanken
it tickles! :-)


So I have my big Journal Club presentation for my Structural Biochem class tomorrow morning and I'm freaking out a little bit. But I was checking my email, and facebook and all that stuff, and decided to check my "work" horoscope was because I am a little too wound* up to sleep. I was pleasently surprized by how positive it was! Well hopefully it is a good sign that tomorrows presentation will go really well.

September 15th:
You're feeling great, and with good reason -- your position is secure, and your peers and supervisors can see what a great job you're doing. It's a good time to stand back and enjoy the view.

*ok, so I typed out the word "wound" and then ended up staring at it for like three minutes thinking what the fuck is wrong with that word I just wrote! I'm sorry, but whenever I see the word "wound" my brain automatically thinks, big nasty injury...you know...a wound...I just thought it was kind of funny to see how your brain has a momentary lapse like that and cant figure out what the hell is wrong with a word like that lol.

Crumble

CURRENTLY WATCHING :
Desperate Housewives


I hate those days where nothing TOO bad happens, but for some reason everything seems to come tumbling down around you. For whatever reason you are made acutely aware of all the things wrong and or missing in your life. And the worst part is that for the life of you, you cant figure out what happened to precipitate such a feeling/awareness. Nothing happened today that doesn't happen every other day of the week...

But maybe that is exactly why...

Nothing changes.
It is just a mediocre day in your mediocre life.

For some reason you become hyper aware of the fact that there isn't a single special thing in your life that goes above and beyond.

Yes you have wonderful friends that you love, yes you have a cute loving pet, yes you enjoy your classes and for once aren't behind in the work *knock on wood*...

But there is no spark.
There is no light.
There is no overwhelming reason to get out of bed in the morning.

It is just going to be another O.K. day.

Which is why it is such a core shakingly horrible day.

Oh well.

What a surprise lol

CURRENTLY WATCHING:
Freaks and Geeks


So I found my memory card for my camera, I found the cord to transfer the pictures from the camera to the computer, I found the battery...

But I cant find the battery charger!

And the battery is dead!

lol typical huh?

In other silly superficial news...
I found a pair of levi jeans that fit for $40! The only down side is that they are black, but I'm sure I will find stuff to wear them with. I actually found a pair of jeans that fit really tight and somehow make me look like I actually have hips and curves lol. People who make jeans dont seem to understand that you can be tall and skinny but not want to look like a stick lol.

Well I am going to get back to watching freaks and geeks, and then start my homework...fun...

I Found It!

I finally found my 256mb memory card! It was put in a nice safe place where I wouldnt loose it...and I lost it for about a year...lol figures.

So now I have no excuse for not taking more pictures. I have a really nice digital camera that has just been sitting on my desk, which is a shame. But I always feel weird taking pictures. Something about having to stop what you are doing, pull out the camera, turn it on, and (since it is a digital camera) wait for the small delay between when you press the button and when the picture actually gets taken. It really is point and click. Also, a digital camera makes it really hard to take cute pictures of Harley, or anything that moves because by the time the picture is actually captured she has moved. I almost like film better, but its expensive and takes up space, and you waste a lot of film if you dont take really good pictures etc etc etc.

Well, hopefully once I start taking pictures I will get in the habit of it and I will have some fun things to post up here!

I am tired of feeling lonely in my own house.

To the red headed BITCH who is on vacation in texas...

FUCK OFF


ps.
Whoever has been looking at my site from Hartzfeld, could you let me know who you are? Otherwise I am going to block your ip address as well. I really enjoy having other people read my blog, but as you can tell I am having some trouble with people reading it who shouldnt be...which is really starting to piss me off.

pps.
A heads up to the people that SHOULD be reading my blog...It looks as if I may have to change the site address for my blog due to the obnoxious assholes who keep reading through all my stuff. So, if/when I change it I will let you know, and if I forget to then just send me an email or something asking for the new address.

There is something amusing to me about the following sentence...

So I have decided that I HATE apathy with a passion...


In all honesty, apathy is probably the most disgusting, frustrating, hurtful and infuriating thing I can think of.

Well on that note, I am going back to bed for an hour :-) yay...sleep!

Might be worth checking out...

So I was bored* and went to cuteoverload.com and they had a post about a new blogging service called Vox. I decided to check it out because I had nothing better to be doing** and it actually looks kind of cool. I dont really know what I like about it so much, but it seems very appealing so far. I only messed around with it for about ten minutes, but I set up an account and I plan to work on it when I have some free time.*** It is a BETA site so they are probably still working out a couple bugs and the like but I havent run into any really obvious flaws with it. It is set up so that it is really easy to add video, music, pictures etc to, in addition to the regular posts. It also gives you a fun little question of the day that is kind of a cool idea. You can also search for the books you are reading and it pops up with a little picture of them, and information (title author etc) and you can write about it which is kind of cool. Anyway, If you are interested here is the link:

http://www.sixapart.com/vox/invite.html

I should go finish my homework now...ugh...

notes:
------------------------------------------------------------------------
*really didnt want to finish my homework
**a shit ton of Adv. Inorganic readings and Structural Biochemistry readings
***the next time I am too overwhelmed with all my homework and so I decide to just procrastinate instead :-)

First day of school...sorry this is so long...

CURRENTLY WATCHING:
House - Third Season
HELL YEAH! FINALLY! :-)

So today was the first day of my senior year. What a weird feeling. Anyway, it was pretty good. It sucked having to walk around with all my crap all day long lol. Oh well, thats what I get for living off campus. I signed up for a locker in the library as well as a locker in Templeton which would help out a lot.

So, I left for school around 10:45am. I looked for parking for about fifteen minutes and finally ended up parking all the way up behind Hartzfeld...LAME! Anyway, then I went to the Trail room and got a bagel and bumped into Kerrie which was cool. We chatted as we walked toward Howard, with a slight detour at the Dovecote. On the way I bumped into Blonde Erik which was weird...he has turned into a dreadlocked, nose pierced, pot smoking hippie...WEIRD! But it was nice to chat with him for about five minutes or so. Then I headed off to my Intro to Psych class.

I think I will like it. It is mostly freshmen and then Shannon and me and a couple other seniors. The professor was pretty cool. He is a little bit more energetic and wacky than the chem teachers I have been getting used to for the last couple years. He was a little cheesy and a little tireing but it was a nice change. A couple of the freshmen got on my nerves a lot. There is a funny story to go with the reason why they got on my nerves, but its better when heard rather than read.

After class I walked around running errands (signed up for a locker, signed forms so I can TA, dropped forms off so I get paid for TAing :-) and other random things). Then I went to the library and tried to get my computer to connect to the internet, but the internet was too slow and so I couldnt download the updates I needed so it kept kicking me off which sucked. But I just updated them at home so we will try to connect to the internet at the library again tomorrow.

Then Krista and I bumped into each other and decided to go get lunch at the Trail room which was fun. We caught up and had some fun silly gossip. Our friend Jenny is now dating a guy named Charlie which is really great. They are really really good together and are really really happy together and apparently its a much better realationship then the crazy people they both used to be involved with lol. I'm really happy for Jenny and for Charlie. The too of them finally getting together has been a LONG time coming, and it is so nice that it FINALLY happend. I guess they both just had to have some bad dating experiences in order to realize how good they are for each other. No one was surprized when they found out...I mean we were all surprized it took this long lol. Well enough sappy silly crap. Back to the boring events of my day! :-P

After lunch I went up to Danny, Katy A, Matt, and Jay's room and hung out there for quite a while. It was really fun to catch up. Jay looks really nice with his new haircut, Katy seems to have loosed a little bit of weight and looks wonderful and wonderfully happy with her new boy, Matt was matt (or Jonah was Jonah? Or Matt was Jonah? ahhhh I dont know lol), and Danny was as fun to hang out with and chat with as ever.

Danny and I then decided that eating in the Bon on the first day of school was a necessity. There was something really nostalgic and nice about hanging out with Danny and going to the Bon with Danny on the first day of our Senior year...I mean that is what we did the first day of our Freshman year. Ahhh those wonderful, silly, SIMPLE, and carefree NSO/first couple weeks of Freshman year. One of my all time favorite memories is of Danny and me hanging out on lower campus lawn at 4am talking about everything and nothing. Like I said earlier, it was silly and simple and nice. Ahhh enouch lame nostalgic crap! lol

Then to end the day on a nice relaxing note, Ho'o and I took a blanket and layed out on the PacMan lawn for about an hour.

Then I drove home, and now I'm sitting here by myself (and my pretty kitty) watching the new episode of House.

All in all, it was a nice mix of busy, overwhelming, fun, nostaligic, and relaxing.

It's just a shame that it ends with out me being able to actually tell anyone about it. Oh well, I will watch house, clean a little and go to sleep.

Ugh...I have to wake up at like 7am tomorrow...welcome back to school!

So today is the first day of class...weird...

Nice Surprise...

So earlier today I was messing around on my computer because I was bored. So I decided to try out the "next blog" button, which just sends you to a randomly selected blog. Most of them are either really boring or not in english which is lame lol.

But I eventually stumbled upon one that was fun to read. I noticed that the girl goes to the same college that a friend of mine from elementary school/junior high/high school goes to. So I thought I would leave a comment asking if she knew him, I mean it is a small world. I never expected to hear back.

But I did hear back which was cool. She left me a comment saying that she didnt know him, but she also commented on the post I had just written. It was really nice to hear encouragement from a random stranger. I love it when people comment and for some reason I just really love it when a complete stranger takes the time to write something. I mean my friends write stuff once in a while but I mean they are my friends ya know? Something about commenting on a random blog just because you had somehting nice to say is kind of cool.

Anyway, hopefully this will be the start of some more frequent commenting! :-) I think I may start clicking the random blog button more often!

End of the totally random and pointless post about nothing interesting lol.

Get used to it...

So I am sitting here in my house by myself, watching old tv shows on dvd from net flicks, eating my dinner out of the pot I cooked it in, bored out of my mind...while I'm pretty sure most of my friends are bumming around on campus either together, or at least with other people.

Why oh why do I get the feeling that this is what my senior year is going to be like?

I'm sitting here bored and lonely, wondering where/when/how/why my life went wrong.

As someone said the other day...

I wish I could reload from a previous save point lol...
or slightly less dorky: I wish I had a time machiene and I could go back and make sure that my life didnt get as screwed up as it is now. Or at least make sure that I wouldn't end up sitting here by myself.

Ok, that is the end of this depressing post. I'm sure once school starts I will be too busy to be depressed lol. Ah, the wonders of being a chem major...it doesn't matter how much you hate your life, you are WAY too busy to be depressed about it! :-)

Well, to end this, and the night, on a bettter note I am going to go take a wonderfully long and hot bath with a bunch of stuff from Lush, while I read my Zombie Survival Guide. lol it is SUCH a funny book.

Two Days...

Two days left of summer and I intend to do absolutly nothing for those two days! lol maybe I will eat and sleep...that sounds good :-)

Give me a call if any of you guys get bored...

I love cuteoverload.com :-)

eh...

I cant sleep...
It is 1:18 am and I cant sleep...
Which sucks...
But I'm too tired to really write anything here...
Maybe tomorrow in between my exciting day of doing laundry, running errands, cleaning the house, and getting ready for school starting, I will find something interesting to write about, or some funny pictures to put up here, or something...
But until then...
I'm tired...

YES!!!!

I got my new computer!!!! So much for not being shipped until the 5th. This means that I will be doing nothing but sitting in front of my new computer for the next few days setting it all up...yay! Anywho, I think we should all try and go do something before school starts. Let me know if you guys want to do something.

ps.
dont you love it when karma starts to kick in? :-P and no erich, I'm still not going to tell you what I'm refering to lol.