NOOOO!!!!

My computer isn't even going to be SHIPPED until September 4th...but September 4th is a holiday, which means September 5th...then it will be two days until it should be deliverd by FedEx, which will be September 7th...BUT FedEx delivers around 3pm...Where am I at 3pm on Thursdays? Thats right...in class. AND they wont leave it on the step because I have to sign for it. SO I will have to drive all the way out to the FedEx hub to pick it up after hours on Thursday...BUT I have yoga until 9pm on Thursdsay...which MEANS I will have to pick it up on Friday...September 8th...

Just FREAKING great...

So it is a repetitive post...I dont care! :-P lol

I found this on a friend's myspace profile, and I found it oddly appropriate due to some of the recent vistors to my blog lol. I thought everyone might get a kick out of it.

Anyway, I was going to write a nice long post, but I am up on campus and for some reason I cant log onto the PCs in the computer lab so I am on a Mac...and I HATE Mac keyboards. They just dont fit my hands right, and I dont like how they feel...I can only describe it as the keyboards feel squishy. Half the time I press the key and it doesnt actually register, and then the other half of the time I barley touch a key and it spits out two of the same letter...oh well. I absolutly hate typing on them which means I am not going to be writting a nice long post. Oh well...I'm sure you guys werent that bored anyway lol.

So school is about to start...

God I hope this semester is different.

I hope I dont get lazy half way through the semester...

I hope I dont get sick a third of the way through the semester...

I hope that certain other aspects of my life will find a way to right themselves before it is too late... I hope we dont run out of time...

I hope that I dont loose touch with my friends because I am living off campus...

I hope that I am not the only one of my friends to make an effort to hang out because I am living off campus...

I hope the food in the Bon doesnt suck... lol

I hope that Structural Biochem doesnt a) suck because it is too much dumb ass bio and not enough chem b) bore me to death because it is too much dumb ass bio and not enough chem lol

I hope I dont end up TAing for a bunch of people who cant even read a simple set of instructions...

I hope Harley isn't lonely all day when I'm at school...

I hope that I get to throw a really fun party at my house that everyone ends up coming too...

I hope that I KICK ASS on my GREs...

I hope that I get great recomondations...

I hope that I get published...

I hope I get into a great gradschool...

I hope that one particular person drops off the face of the earth so I dont have to have her fucking up my life anymore than she already has...

I hope that my yoga class doesnt kill me! I cant even touch my toes for crying out loud!

I hope I keep blogging as a wonderful distraction from the disgusting amounts of homework I have to do...

I hope people start writting more comments on my blog so I dont feel like I am talking to myself lol...

I hope that my best friend gets his act together and starts acting like the wonderful, caring, amazing, funny, sweet, thoughtful, decent human being I fell in love with again...even if he did always have bad taste in comic books :-P lol

I just hope this last year is wonderful...and I hope that everything works out...

And most of all...

I hope I dont just end up seeing you at the ten year reunion...

(you know who you are...)

Anticlimactic...

So I am up at school checking my mail...ugh...I want my computer to get here so bad!

Anyway...
So I was SOOOO excited to go pick up Harley today from the cat boarding place. I drove all the way out to SE, got out of my car, walked up to the door...just to find out that they are closed on Sunday...NOOOOO!!!!

I was so sad...
I was all excited and then nothing...
I miss Harley a bunch. But she seemed to be having a great time at the boarding place which is good. She is really friendly, and likes other animals so they let her out of her room and would let her wander around and play with some of the other animals. Including one of those weird miniture doberman things...which was HISTERICAL to watch...this weird tiny dog, this really really old arthritic cat and my tiny little kitten were best friends.

Well I will pick her up tomorrow which will be good.

Just in case it is "you" reading my blog...

I just wanted to say that I like having people I dont actually know reading my blog. Every once in a while I will get some random person from Norway or somewhere which is cool.

But...
If I find out that one of the people who has been reading my blog is a particular person who shouldnt be (you know who you are)...the shit is going to hit the fan. Consider yourself warned. I dont go around snooping in your journal so stay the fuck out of mine.

If you dont happen to be this particular bitchy person that I hate, then by all means keep reading! lol yeah, ok, so I promise I am not really this bitchy, so dont worry. However, there is one person that I do not mind being a bitch to, because she deserves it. She deserves it more than you could possible imagine.

Just in case "you" are here reading my stuff:

You are honest to god one of the worst excuses for a human being I have ever had the misfortune of knowing. Until you started fucking around in my life I did not think I would ever know someone who was capable of treating another human being in such a disgusting and horrific way. Why dont you just fuck off, and get out of my life. How about this...how about the next time you mess with me or my life, I will start messing with you and yours.


song that is going through my head at the moment (I wonder why):
"You say its chivalry, but its your jealousy that led us to this song.
Won't play it often just at least until you're gone.
You'll stop at nothing but the real thing and
everything up to that's pretend.
You tried to brainwash all my friends.

Fuck you Jordan, fuck you Jordan,
You make me sick, you make me sick
High school's over, high school's over
I don't care if you dye your hair,
You'll always be a little REDHEAD BITCH."

-If You C Jordan, by Something Corporate-

24-48 hours...hopefully...

So my computer died...
Completely...

And I didn't have anything backed up. Even though I have an external hardrive sitting two feet away from my computer. Great...

So I took it up to CompUSA this morning, and they are going to try and get all the information off of my hardrive and onto the external drive.

It has everything on it. Pictures, homework, research data, notes from people, other random crap that I will miss. So keep your fingers crossed that they are able to retrieve everything.

It should be reading in 24-48 hours...depending on how slow they decide to work on the weekend. The guy who helped me actually said that! I mean, yeah, of course they are going to be really busy on the weekend (and yeah, I would probably work slower on the weekend too...working weekends sucks) but would you really advertise that fact to your customers lol. The guy was funny and helpful though and I got a kick out of it. I'm sure he wouldnt have said that to some pissed off business guy who has all his work documents on his laptop...that would be kind of scary.

Anyway, there is a plus side...well two plus sides.

1. I GET A NEW LAPTOP! I'm really excited actually. My laptop was starting to die last semester and it was just a matter of time before it kicked the bucket as they say. And the best part of getting a new laptop is that it wont way five million pounds like my old one does! lol maybe I will actually be able to carry it around like a laptop is meant to be!

2. It will be a lot easier to sort through all the files and crap I dont want to keep. It will be nice to start from scratch and be able to organize everything so my computer isnt filled up with junk.

The only real problem (other than maybe loosing all my files) is that I do NOT know how I am going to survive a week without a computer. I didnt realize how depended I have become on the internet, not just for work and email but also for intertainment. I normally dont check my email or blog or facebook five hundred times a day, but the fact that I CANT check it, makes me want to like five hundred times a day! So I guess I will just be coming up to campus everyday, or borrowing erich's laptop when he isnt using it. I cant wait for my new computer!

This is worse than Christmas...

Hello?

Ok, so...
Whoever was looking at my blog and the archives last night, starting at 12:42am...(from portland, using comcast internet, and windows internet explorer, who got to my blog by clicking on the link in my facebook profile...)
Next time you sign onto my blog let me know who you are or I will block your IP address. I really dont mind people reading as long as I know who is there, you know? In fact, I like people reading my blog. It just feels a little bit creepy that someone is reading through all my old posts and wont tell me who they are. I dont mind the random people who read it from virginia, or norway...but I mind when it is someone a little closer to home. Anyway, just in case you are one of my friends who wants to read my blog, I thought I would give you the heads up before I block the IP address.

I'm wearing new socks...

hehehe...
It is finally cold enough that I could put on a pair of socks...
They are all wonderfully fuzzy and warm!
Yay for normal weather again!

Soon to be bendier...

I got into my yoga class!
Yay!
Oh wait...that means I will have to start being bendier...

Knock-Knock, Whose There?

Hey everyone, I just wanted to let everyone know that I have a program on my blog that lets me see who visits my site, how many times they visit, what time they visit etc. I only use it because I am a little squimish about letting people read all the (lame) details of my life lol. I love that my friends have been reading my blog, because then at least I dont feel like I have been talking to myself lol. But I would really appreciate it if you guys would leave a comment on this post just saying hi and who you are. I may start going through and blocking some IP addresses that I dont recognize, but if you leave a comment telling me who you are that way I know who actually wants to read my blog and I wont block your address. Also, that way I have some nice comments to read to keep me distracted from cleaning my room! :-) Thanks you guys!

What's the point in all this screaming...you're not listening anyway...

Acoustic #3

They painted up your secrets
With the lies they told to you
And the least they ever gave you
Was the most you ever knew

And I wonder where these dreams go
When the world gets in your way
What's the point in all this screaming
No one's listening anyway

Your voice is small and fading
And you hide in here unknown
And your mother loves your father
Cause she's got nowhere to go

And she wonders where these dreams go
Cause the world got in her way
What's the point in ever trying
Nothing's changing anyway

They press their lips against you
And you love the lies they say
And I tried so hard to reach you
But you're falling anyway

And you know I see right through you
Cause the world gets in your way
What's the point in all this screaming
You're not listening anyway

-goo goo dolls-

A brief pause from the shit that is my life...for..."Snakes on Crack"...and then back to the shit that is my life...

CURRENTLY LISTENING TO:
The fish tank in my living room

So last night Erich and I went to go see "Snakes On a Plane". HOLY FUCKING CRAP! It was the worst and FUNNIEST movie I have seen in a really really long time. I was laughing so hard it hurt. It was also pretty gruesome and violent surprisingly but still funny. I mean honestly, it must have been really funny if it made me laugh with all this shit going on in my life right? lol.

Anyway, its 6:30am and I cant sleep. I cant sleep because I was so tired yesteray from all the crying and shit that I fell asleep at like 10pm. I cant sleep because if I do I have nightmares. great...maybe I will just put a dvd on my laptop and zone out to that, and if I fall asleep then hopefully I will dream about ER or Angel or whatever else I decide to watch.

Do you know what the scariest part of all this is? It is that I am serious. I meant everything I said, and I will do everything I said I would do if a particular set of circumstances arise. I am not backing down on this one. I will lose my best friend because he doesnt think I am serious. It is just a matter of time before he tries something thinking he can get away with it, thinking I wont find out about another lie, thinking he can just hug me and call me pretty and I will forget how angry and upset I am. It wont work this time.

I am angry
I am upset

And I am serious this time.

So go ahead.
Walk the line, see what you can get away with, see if maybe I wont find out.
But realize this:

I dont just have one foot out the door.
I have two feet out the door and I am just waiting for you to close the door with your actions. And once you do...

You have lost me forever.

And in the end you will have to look at yourself in the mirror and ask yourself whether or not she was worth loosing your best friend.

And if the answer is yes...
Then I guess we were never friends in the first place.

Terrified

CURRENTLY LISTENING TO:
Walk Away - by Ben Harper


Do you know what is scarier than being angry?
Than being sad?
Than being devastated?
Than being hurt?
Than being betrayed by your best friend?

Being Numb.

You are a lying piece of shit.

I dont even think you are capable of telling the truth.

How am I EVER supposed to trust you again?

I deserve not to hate you...

And you keep giving me more reasons to do so.

I'm too tired to be the only one trying...

CURRENTLY WATCHING:
ER - second season
erich bought it for me :-)

I am done trying until you start trying.

100th Post!

Yup...thats about it...

Oh, and I really liked these post secrets I found:

pretty...

1. So cute! and 2. Wonderful smelly goodness

1. So Time Magazine ranked cuteoverload.com as the number one Feel Good Time Waster Website.

It is soooo true.
LOL I waste SOOOO much time at cuteoverload.com

2. I finally got my Lush discontinued package! I used the Lush Lime Smoothy in the shower yesterday after being on a plane for ten hours and being awake for 35 hours...and it was AMAZING. I am also looking forward to the rest of the stuff I got. :-)

Comment People!

You all should write more comments so I feel loved :-)

1. Suspicious and 2. Fed Up

1. So you know how people just love to tell me things that I dont want to know right? And how freaking annoying that is right? Well it is even more annoying when people drop hints about things, or imply things with out actually telling you. I wish people would just keep their mouth shut completly. Instead now I am sitting here wondering what the hell actually went on back home when I was away in Amsterdam. Trust is a funny thing. Once you stop trusting someone it is really hard to get it back. And just when you stop thinking that they are lying to you all the time about everything and everyone, someone goes and makes you question it all over again. If something went on when I was away and I end up finding out unwillingly from some random person I am going to be so freaking pissed. *hint* This would be a great opportunity to tell the truth for once because the shit is going to hit the fan if I find out something from someone else.

2. The second thing I want to comment on is I am sick and tired of fucked up bitchy people sticking their nose in where it doesnt belong. This particular person has no fucking right to offer any kind of advise to ANYONE especially about things involving me. This person thinks they are "helping" their friend when in actuality they know jack fucking shit and should back the fuck off. I also wish this "friend" would grow up and stop being so easily influenced by their friends, so willing to believe whatever this fucked up bitchy person has to say. I swear anyone who would take a SINGLE WORD of this bitch's advise needs professional help. And quite possible the other half of their brain removed (because the only way I could ever believe anyone would willingly take this persons advise would be if they had already had a partial lobodamy). Dear GOD I wish I eventually get the opportunity to tell this person to fuck off in person. They deserve it more than you could possibly know.

I wish you would surprise me...

Click on the picture to see it big enough to read the words.

Ugh...

It is 6:20am and I cant freaking sleep. Yeah it is mostly because of jet lag, but also because I'm sick and hungry (cant eat b/c of my throat). I'm tired...

Anyway, I take Harley to the vet today for vaccines and a check up. That is at noon. After that I have nothing to do for the rest of the day. I will probably end up cleaning the house or somehting...fun...if any of you guys want to go do something then give me a call.

Ummm...ok....

"Jesus speaks to me through Dutch nuns..."
Dont even ASK how the hell that sentence ended up coming out of my sister's mouth LOL

So I am almost packed to come back home. I leave Amsterdam on Sunday. After a goodnights sleep in my own bed (or two...or ten :-) lol) I should be recharged enough to actually write about my trip. Talk to you guys soon!

Uuuuggghhh

I am REALLY sick...my throat hurts and is all swollen and I cant swallow at all. My nose is all stuffed up. Ugh...I just want to sleep but my sister snores so loud that she continuously wakes me up in the middle of the night...ugh...

Oh yeah, one more thing.

I am FUCKING SICK AND TIRED of these GOD DAMN terrorists. ALL I wanted was to fly home and go to sleep in my own damn bed and now who knows when/if I am going to get to do that. (If you dont know what I'm talking about, go to bbc.com or whatever their website is). You cant BELIEVE the freaking chaos that is going on right now. I swear to god that the shit better hit the fan on these damn terrorists. And I dont care if I sound un "pc" or whatever. Terrorists are NOT "people too" to me. And if you think someone who is planning to blow up ten planes full of people is a "person" than you have more fucking problems then the terrorrist does.

End of rant.
Now my mom gets to go spend $1 a minute trying to change our flights around, which also means that our non refundable plane tickets are thrown away and we get to buy brand new ones. great.

I'm freaking tired

You would hope that if you were spending $1 a minute to call someone from across an ocean, thousands of miles away, that they would sound a little more enthused to be talking.

ps.
I am going to do a big update when I get back, all about Amsterdam. I am just too freaking tired right now, and we are only buying the internet for an hour at a time so there isnt much time to write anything.

The sun finally came out!!! Well...ok, so it isnt exactly sunny but at least it stopped raining...So we are going to go walk around a bit. You guys should write to me because I will be checking my email and stuff tomorrow again.
I will write more about my trip later.
Bye for now!

I am so freaking bored already...and the plane doesnt even leave for an hour...great...

Oh yeah, and my mom screwed up my ticket so I dont get to fly business class...great...so I get to be a cripple when I get off the plane...errrgg...

At least I have a nice letter from erich to read over and over when I get bored :-)